Fear of failing at school, work, or relationships holds many people back. As Carlin Flora explains in the Psychology Today article "Embracing the Fear of Failure," "Even if environmental conditions allow for high failure tolerance, some people will take setbacks to heart instead of to mind. Such people let a disappointment seep into their sense of self like a poison."
But failure is "not as bad as you may think," says Marcia A. Reed in the Black Enterprise piece "The Truth about Failure." In fact, Reed quotes job counselor Seaborn Morgan who says, "If you're not failing on a regular basis, then you're probably not doing a whole lot."
Recognizing "that there's more to be learned by focusing on what went wrong than what went right," Morgan explains, "successful individuals learn to use failure to their advantage--they acknowledge it, analyze it and overcome it."
Reed summarizes Morgan's tips for managing and surmounting failure:
First, "Find your purpose and define your goal... in specific, measurable outcomes. Use them as the criteria for assessing progress, as well as success and failure. For example, if you aim to improve your health, use changes in cholesterol, blood pressure or weight to track how far you've come toward achieving your goal."
Second, "Know your weaknesses... Conduct a self-assessment and look for areas in which you feel most prone to fail. Then, create an action plan to strengthen yourself and respond positively when you do fail."
Third, "Think of failures as learning... Don't make excuses for failure; acknowledge and accept it as soon as it occurs." Analyze it and ask yourself: "What was the mistake? Why did it happen? How could it have been avoided? How can I do better next time?"
Fourth, "Rebound and take more risks... Build your tolerance for failure and resilience by forcing yourself to take more risks as soon as possible."
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